Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in Jenny Hamel-Wadkins' LiveJournal:

Sunday, July 11th, 2004
7:52 pm	Oooh! I love quizzes! I stole this neat quiz from neoguardian How do I make a sub-entry?? I don't know. What is your favorite: gum: Berry Koolerz restaurant: Indian drink: Diet Coke season: Spring type of weather: Sunny but not hot emotion: Inspired late-night activity: Chatting with doll pals sport: Dance Dance Revolution, lol city: ? store: Best Buy When was the last time you: cried: Probably a few days ago. I’m such a whiner. played a sport: I played DDR a few days ago. Does that even count?? laughed: I laugh often. hugged someone: I just now hugged my kitty! kissed someone: I’m married. felt depressed: I’m pretty upbeat, so no idea! felt elated: Elated… such a strong word… umm… felt overworked: It’s nice to be self-emplyed… faked sick: Is there a need for me to do that? No… lied: I’m sure there was a white lie, but I try pretty hard to be honest. What was the last: word you said: Fatty! thing you ate: Mixed nuts song you listened to: “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns thing you drank: Diet Coke place you went to: Church movie you saw: 50 First Dates movie you rented: Swimming Pool concert you attended: Ummm… Wow. Dave Matthews, 2003, and my hubby made me go. Who was the last person you: hugged: My hubby, Dave cried over: Dave kissed: Dave danced with: Kris, at his brother’s wedding shared a secret with: Erin had a sleepover with: ? called: My mom went to a movie with: Dave saw: Dave were angry with: Dave couldn't take your eyes off of: Dave! (yeah, I see Dave a lot) obsessed over: I obsess over projects, not people. Have you ever: danced in the rain: Yesterday! Really! But for like three seconds. kissed someone: yeaaaahhhhh done drugs: No sir drank alcohol: Yes ma’am slept around: Hell NO partied 'til the sun came up: In college a few times. had a movie marathon: My patience won’t generally support marathons gone too far on a dare: Hmmm…… Not that I can think of. spun until you were immensely dizzy: ? Hasn’t everyone, at some point? taken a survey quite like this before: Too many times, I’m so lame SECTI0N 1: ABOUT YOU +` name: Jenny +` gender: fembot +` height: 5 feet 1 +` hair color: Golden brown +` eye color: Blue +` location: Lynnwood, WA +` fears: Spiders, home invasion SECTI0N 2: HAVE Y0U EVER +` peed in your pants: Probably, but in no recent years that I can remember +` cheated on someone: Oh dear, no. But I’ve been cheated on. It sucks. +` fallen off the bed: Hmmm…. No? +` fallen for a relative: Ew, no +` had plastic surgery: Heh, no +` failed a grade: No WAY, I was a GPA superstar +` broke someone's heart: Yeah… twice. I wish I could apologize because I never did L +` had your heart broken: Not really. I’m so lucky to be the heart-breaker. Sigh. +` done something you regret: Many times than I would like to admit +` cheated on a test: No, never +` broken a body part: My brain broke, but it fixed itself J skipping ahead... SECTI0N 7: PERS0NAL +` what do you want to be: An Artist, which I am! +` what was the worst day of your life: Probably the day I lost my first kitty to cancer +` most embarrassing story: I would never post something like that here +` the best day of your life: Scuba diving with Dave, in Fiji, on my honeymoon +` what comes first in your life: God +` do you have a bf/gf/crush: I’m married. Sorry, that’s so boring. +` if you had an extra set of eyes, where would you put them: On the back of one of my cats +` what do you usually think about before you go to bed: Well, nothing, because I never sleep until I am utterly zonked FRIENDSHIP/LOVE... Do you believe in love at first sight?: Not really Do you want children one day? Definitely! Most important thing to you in a friendship is: Honesty! Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Jade from sweetbox - 1000 Words (FFX-2 Mix) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
6:25 pm	A diagnosis for my health problems! To anyone who has been following along with my recent live journal, or with what I've been telling you about my condition, I finally have some answers. In short, if you don't know about my problems, starting in Feb I began to have symptoms that were both migraine-like and mild stroke-like. I had an MRI of my brain, which is where they look at your arteries, and it showed a narrowing of where the artery goes into my left lobe. Not enough blood was making it over there, perhaps. This morning I underwent a diagnostic angiogram. In this procedure they break into your major artery down at your groin and run up into your brain with high contrast solution. The result is similar to an MRI but the image is high resolution and three dimensional, so you can see every little facet of the arteries. It turns out that the artery in question is flat out blocked and in fact is simply gone in a section. There is just a stump. Scary sounding I know, but the good news is the way my brain has fixed itself. Other smaller arteries that do not normally connect have joined up on the outside of my brain in order to seek new routes to my left lobe. Currently my left lobe seems to be getting enough blood and the doc says that the arteries will continue to grow to accomodate higher blood flow now that they have such an important job to do! He's not sure what led to the narrowing and eventual blockage, but thinks the narrowing has been there my whole life, otherwise the other arteries would not have had time to connect up. It is still a mystery, why exactly I began to have symptoms in February. But regardless, we now know how to control them, and that's what is important. Overall the prognosis, although it SOUNDS scary, was very positive. There isn't anything better that human intervention can accomplish - my brain is actively fixing itself. The only bad thing is I am more at risk of a stroke in the future, which just means I need to take good care of myself. So that's the diagnosis! It's not too bad! Current Mood: relieved Current Music: Jade from sweetbox - real Emotion (FFX-2 Mix) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
5:04 pm	Is no news good news? Probably :) I know I haven't updated in so long, and it's not because nothing has happened. Lots of stuff is happening in my life but lately I've been stymied by a river of apathy and have become less and less productive. I know we all feel overwhelmed sometimes. It might be that in my heart I am worried and stressed about the diagnostic angiogram that will FINALLY be happening this coming Monday June 7th. I also am feeling a little go-go-go. I've been away from home every weekend for three weeks in a row. This coming weekend my parents will be here, because of th angiogram. Of course I am grateful for their support. The weekend after, off to convention in Portland. Then right after that, off to AZ to visit my parents, a trip planned long before their unexpected visit this weekend. It's starting to feel like I am never here, although I AM... I just want to take a breath and feel as if I can sit here, relaxed, without any major events coming up. I can't wait until July when I can finally experience that. The constant barrage of people and places and events is contributing to my general feeling of being burdened with too many activities without enough time to sit and reflect on my life. The other problem with go-go-go is I begin to feel like I have too much work and no time to do it... which isn't true... I have every day to work and yet I feel like I spend my time "preparing" for the next thing. What IS the next thing? Who knows.... I just want to finish my current commissions and get them mailed out so I can lay low while I'm on vacation and not worry. And dang it I MISS GAME NIGHT!!!! SNIFFLE. I did go this last Saturday but geez - cranky much?? Those people needed some cookies :D Hmmm... I sound all depressed, lol. I'm actually not at all. Life has been good. God has blessed me with a wonderful husband, a wonderful house, wonderful pets, wonderful family, a wonderful job. Could things be better? Probably not... if I died today I would leave this earth fulfilled and ready for the next great adventure. Isn't that fulfillment what makes life worth living? Anyway... I sound like I'm trying to be philosophical and I really just sound ridiculous. I'm going to go cuddle with my cats now. Think of me on Monday when we find out the cause of my problems. On that note I WOULD like to mention that since I've started the deceptively simple "aspirin therapy", which thins your blood, I have experienced absolutely no confusion, dizziness, numbness, or headaches. 100%. :) Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Jade from sweetbox - 1000 Words (FFX-2 Mix) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 2nd, 2004
11:41 am	Bi-weekly update - is that right? OK so lots of stuff has been going on. First off, Prego Convention was last week (23rd-25th), and it was a rousing success. Everyone had an absolutely fantastic time, many prizes were won, and general excitement and happiness ensued. I wish this meant I had already signed up to run next year, but it's just not going to happen without a larger crew. I ended up doing most of the preparations myself and it just took all of my time. The week leading up to the convention I spent HOURS every day, and convention weekend I slept as little as possible and even painted the convention auction doll in between activities. By Monday I was so tired I found myself repeatedly breaking down and crying in utter frustration. Don't get me wrong, I was just thrilled to see everyone having such a wonderful time. But it's an added stress I could have done without, what with my health problems, and upcoming convention in Chicago. OH yes, for those who still don't know what the heck I'm talking about. Prego is a message board related to dolls, which I hope most who read this would know is also related to my job as a repainter. Anyway the convention was actually held online. Yes, you may be wondering how that could possibly work at all as a source of excitement. Well let me just tell you that when I decide to do something, I don't know the term half-assed. Seriously. Anything my name is attached to must be top-notch. Someone had the idea "let's do an online convention!" for all of those people who can't afford to go to the real conventions. And thanks to the people who donated TONS of stuff, and the people who donated their time, and my excellent organizational skills (not hubris, just simple truth) the whole weekend was about as good as I can imagine an online event being. Anyway I don't want to go into it too much but let's just say we had something going on EVERY SINGLE HOUR regardless of what time it was, so that every time zone could participate equally. We gave away over eighty cool prizes which were all donations. Logistical things that you wouldn't think would work right, like bingo in a chat room, were such a crazy hit that people are begging to play again. Honestly the people had so much fun taking part and I would never have thought something based on a MESSAGE BOARD could be such a rousing success. It makes me really proud and happy to know I made other people happy like this :) A few people sent me presents too, which was so sweet of them. It's wonderful to feel appreciated. The very first day I got a big bouquet of flowers from Breck, and the second day and monday I got several presents from a bunch of other friends whom I just adore. Thank you, EVERYONE. You all rule. All weekend I got so down because I was just so TIRED but then I was reminded how much people appreciate my hard work, and that I am making people happy, and then i would get another wind. Ugh, still haven't mailed all the prized yet. I'm planning a lovely trip tomorrow, I promise. So what else is new... Well I went to a neurologist and now we know what's wrong in general. Unfortunately we do not know why or how and that is the scary part. At least I'm not crazy and all of my health problems in the last few months are actually caused by something specific. I had an MRI on April 6th - that's where they use magnetic fields to light up areas of your brain. So anyway on the MRA which is the one where they light your arteries, I have an artery going up into my brain. And right smack dab in the middle is a black spot. That means I have a spot of narrowing; obviously the blood is still getting through or i'd be, you know, DEAD. But it is scary to look at a picture of your brain and there's this spot that's just... blank. Also on the MRI showing my brain tissue, downstream from the blockage, there were three little spots that didn't belong - like foreign matter or something. So Mr. Dr. put this together and suggested the following scenario. I somehow developed a blood clot in my artery - who the hell knows how someone my age would get a blood clot. The doctor wasn't sure why that would happen. Anyway so there's the blood clot, and then little bits would break up and travel downstream to my brain, where they would cause little mini-strokes. Which would explain episodes such as my uber-confusion. A blood clot was just one idea so step one was to see if it was gone. Doc hoped that by now the clot would have dissipated so he sent me for another MRI Friday. Unfortunately even before I went in I knew it would still be there, because on Thursday I had a very short but definitive episode of confusion. So it seemed pretty clear that it would still be weird. And, it was. No change. I still have a narrow artery. It's still scary. On Wednesday I'm going in for an EEG which is the brain wave test. Then Friday, back to the neurologist to follow up. Apparently the next test on my horizon is one where they put a catheter in my bladder and run something through my artery into my brain. I realize I wouldn't feel it but just the thought still makes me feel queasy. I guess I worried my mom too much because she called yesterday and said she's coming up on Thursday. Friday is just a follow-up appointment but I guess she's just worried in general and looking for an excuse to come. Last night was game night. We couldn't go last week due to convention (well, Dave was in portland, and I was so busy I hardly noticed). Dave decided to stay home and do yard work but I felt brave so I went alone. I'm such a wimp, lol. All of those people are super nice so of course it was fine and now that I've 'broken the ice' I can go alone later if I need to. Aw, damn - I can't go to game night on Saturday now! Maybe I can get my mom to come. I really want to play Mystery of the Abbey and I DID buy that to play with her to begin with. I am leaving next Wednesday for the Chicago Tonner convention. At least, hypothetically. Unless the doc starts to feel that I need to act fast and need to stay home for the small surgery. I will be so upset if that's the case. I spent a lot of money on the convention and would be devastated if I had to skip it. It's a huge business investment for me. At least if I have to cancel, I won't be disappointing anyone. Debra already had to pull out so I was going by myself anyway. Anyway... bleh. I guess I'll go work on my convention dolls. I'm just going to keep working toward that goal until I'm told to give it up. Current Mood: busy Current Music: Leonard Cohen with Tori Amos - Silent All These Years (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 15th, 2004
3:49 pm	General gabbery. I got some tests done last week and my appointment is Monday to follow up on the results. I haven't had any more wacky episodes and in fact my headaches have gone away too. I've been at 100% for the last week and a half and I hope that's an indicator that the whole crazy ordeal is over and I can return to being me :D I hung out with Monique on Thursday. We went to one of those funplexes with the go-carts and mini golf and stuff. I forgot how fun go-karts are. I used to be all wussy and I wouldn't go as fast as possible but duh, the thing's not gonna flip over. So we had a great time putting the pedal to the metal. So just in case anyone missed the big news, I had a FANTASTIC doll sale last week. It was definitely the most exciting moment of my repaint career. I don't know if my buyer wants to be identified so all I'll say is thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, and to the second highest bidder as well, because it takes two people to bid something up. I'm certainly not a greedy person but my stress level went down tremendously because now I've made budget already and can focus on preparing repaints for the tonner convention and finishing my last straggling commissions. Dave and I joined a board gaming group and that has been tremendous fun. We've been to one official game night and it's right up my alley. I must have died and gone to gaming heaven. Last night we went to the home of one of the group members for an off-night game of Age of Renaissance and BIG SURPRISE, Dave won. Did I mention that he wins EVERYTHING? Seriously. Even when you are sure he is losing he somehow wins. A wifey sure can get discouraged. :P Prego convention is next week. If you have no idea what that means, don't worry about it ;) Anyway I've been putting in lots of hours getting that ready to go. Bleh. And I'm not even eligible for prizes. That's no fun. Hmmm.... tonight is some work dinner for Dave, tomorrow nothing that I can think of, Saturday is game night again and then a casino run with some work friends. For some reason I feel really busy lately. I've been lamenting to Dave that I feel like I should work more but he keeps pointing out that I only ever seem to count the time I spend painting and that I spend at least as much packaging, going to the post office, taking pictures, preparing doll pages and auctions, etc. I think I'm going to start keeping a time sheet. Anyway, that's all for now :) Current Mood: content Current Music: Anggun - Snow On The Sahara (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 31st, 2004
3:17 pm	Worried about my health. I finally remembered to fill my headache medication. It's actually a blood pressure medication but apparently it is supposed to help with headaches as well. The medication causes one's arteries to "loosen" so that the heart doesn't have to work as hard to pump blood around the body. Apparently migraines are caused when the arteries in one's brain constrict and blood flow is cut off. So it makes sense. Problem is I have had two extremely disturbing and bizarre episodes in the last week and for practical reasons I'd think it has to do with the medication, although even the list of rare symptoms don't say anything relating to my experience. About five days ago the EXACT typing part of the following story happened... but that day I just sat back and stopped typing until it went away. I thought it was my imagination until it happened again last night. My experience last night was not so good. It was about 11PM and I was chatting with some of my friends before bed. Without warning my body suddenly seemed to short-circuit. That's the best way to describe it. All of a sudden my mental capacity, coordination, motor skills, cognitive abilities... they were all instantly decreased. I had been in the middle of a conversation and all of a sudden I could no longer type my responses. Now in general I am a very fast typer - I don't know my WPM but I can type a sentence in maybe five seconds. Well much later in the evening when I had my friend pull a transcript, it showed I had taken a full 3+ minutes to type a sentence that STILL had typos. I remember spending the entire time after my previous comment working on typing this sentence. But my brain was not connected. I was thinking of a sentence but my fingers kept typing either completely different words or hitting keys other than the ones I was intending to press. I just kept typing gibberish. I also had trouble finding the backspace button so that I could erase my keystrokes. A few short sentences later I even stopped using capital letters because I couldn't remember how to use the shift key. Now like I mentioned before, this EXACT same thing happened a few days back. But last night I took it further. I decided that I would just turn off my computer. But first I thought I needed to look somethign up in my search engine - I don't even know what, now. I had IE open already to a different page and all I need to do to get there is press the home button, which I do all the time. Well, I pressed the refresh button. Obviously the page I was on just re-loaded. I was completely confused. I proceeded to press the refresh button about four more times and continued to be confused before I was able to focus enough to realize that I was pressing the wrong button. I finally got to the search engine but then I couldn't figure out why I was there. So I decided to turn off my computer. I got the shut down menu up and thought I pressed something, but nothing happened. I tried again and meant to press Shut Down but my finger pressed Stand By. It was better than nothing. I stood in the doorway of my office for a while and stared at my cat. I realized she was hungry so I went downstairs very slowly. It felt like when you are dreaming and trying really hard to do something but your body refuses to respond or go faster. Once I had dishes on the counter I got out the cat food and couldn't get it open. I just stood there for a few seconds with the tab in my hand thinking about how I wanted to open it. Finally I opened it and got food onto their plates. I put the plates on the ground and proceeded to get food all over Zoey's back with the fork. Now this won't sound like a big deal to you guys but I NEVER EVER EVER forgot to put the fork in the sink right after I mush their food, and I am NEVER EVER holding it when I put their food down. Sometimes during the kitty food time I realized I was twitching around. Like you know in the movies when there is a crazy person and they are twitching their limbs around and jerking their head erratically? I was DOING that. Once I noticed though it didn't necessarily feel wrong. I was like, "I'm twitching, how odd". If I concentrated really hard I could hold still, but as soon as I let go of my concentration I would start twitching again. So I twitched my way upstairs and into the bathroom to get ready for bed. I got toothpaste on my toothbrush but when I went to put it in my cup to wet it, which is how I do things, I missed and scraped it off. I tried again and got the toothbrush into my mouth but then I couldn't remember what I was supposed to do. It's electric and has a button and my thumb was on it but it took me a little while to get my thumb to press the button. I got toothpaste all over my mouth. Still twitching during all of this. Finally I was able to make it to the bed. I just sat there and the disorientation started to go away and then I FINALLY got upset. I started crying and Dave woke up and we talked about it. The SCARIEST THING about this situation is the fact that I usually lacked self-awareness. I knew that something was odd, but I didn't know that something was REALLY WRONG. I mean one would think that if you can't manage to type a sentence after three minutes of trying, when usually it takes mere seconds, something is obviously really reall wrong. But when that happened I was mostly just confused. It never even occurred to me to wake up Dave. I never did try to talk and don't know if I would have been able to or not. But oddly enough every so often it was like my mind would "wake up" and I consciously though, "Why am I doing these things?? Body, stop!" but then I would lose the thoughts as fast as they came. Overall I would describe the feeling as somewhat like being intoxicated but much worse. I experienced similar loss of coordination, motor skills, cognitive ability, reaction times, etc. But I had not had ANYTHING to drink. And I also lacked the self-awareness that even people who've had too much to drink have. I honestly didn't realize something was seriously awry. I used the term short-circuited because it was like a robot in a movie who is damaged. I was twitching, moving erratically, couldn't get my brain to connect with my body. My brain would send instructions and my body wouldn't carry them out. Well anyway, I made a doctor's appointment, but it's not till Friday. Dave's not home to take me today when they had free slots and I am TERRIFIED to drive. I 100% believe that if this happened while I was driving I would cause an accident. So I am really scared to get in the car right now. I am just scared in general. It was awful to not be in control of what was happening. I am really upset :( Current Mood: busy Current Music: Chis Cornelle - Sunshower (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 15th, 2004
3:38 am	I'm not sick anymore! Of course that means I have to work a lot more :) I have a ton to do this week but for some reason it is not making me want to scream and pull my hair out. Today is Sunday and by next Saturday I need to have finished (and mailed out some of) eight enhancements and 3-4 repaints. I can do it. I know I can. I HAVE to have these things done so I can't even stop to whine and moan. Some I need to have done because they are waaaaaaaay overdue, and some I need to have done because of a little show on Saturday where I need some things to show. I'm not whining in case you thought that's what I was about to do. Today I completed 1.5 enhancements and a full repaint. Overall I'd say that's not bad, eh?? Although on the repaint I WAS inspired and those always take a lot less time. But still if it's any indicator for the week I can get my stuff done. I need to call Monique!!! I haven't talked to her in a long time. I'm trying to remember when I last saw her! It was Saturday the 6th. I really want to hang out with her but I don't know if I can this week, I have those deadlines, so I am hesitant to make plans because if I get to Thursday and still have a lot to do, I'd need to cancel. :( If you're reading this Monique, I'll call you tomorrow!!! I haven't forgotten about you!!! :O You know what I was thinking, I need a hockey Xbox game. That would be fun for us to play. Note to self - take Monique shopping for xbox game. Or better yet, I'll go look on eBay right now. OK so someone on the Prego board brought up this Weird Al song "eBay" which I am listening to now (as one can see from my current music) and this is the FUNNIEST FREAKING SONG I HAVE EVER HEARD. If you have EVER bought or sold on eBay and especially if it is the basis of your business like it is for me. I laugh hysterically every time I hear this song. Weird Al is a funny funny guy and ya know, he really has a handle on popular culture. Fifty years from now we'll really be able to tell what was popular using Weird Al both because of the songs he uses to parody, and the topics he sings about. So I've discovered lately that I am really, really, really interested in board games. And I am NOT talking about games like Monopoly or Sorry. I am talking about non-mainstream high-quality strategy games like Settlers of Catan and Carcassone. Haven't heard of those? Not surprised, you won't find them at Target. Anyway I've been doing my homework and it turns out there is this huge subculture of gaming fanatics and DUH, isn't that true about everything (hello, fashion dolls?). I've found game sites and discovered that Settlers and Carcassone are on gamers' top ten lists so it seems we haven't done too bad. But now my new thing is board gaming and it's great because Dave loves them just as much as I do. We have another friend who loves games also but the problem is three just isn't always the right number. Dave and I need to find a gaming group or something. Other people who are as obsessed as me. Hm. I wish I had more to talk about. I'm sure there's something I'm forgetting. Current Mood: busy Current Music: Weird Al - Ebay (Comment on this)
Monday, March 8th, 2004
6:19 am	Insomnia. I have a doctor's appointment at 8 AM for my migraines which is about 4 hours earlier than my normal wake-up call. Yes I know that sounds lazy to those of you on normal schedules but I'm not lazy. I sleep a normal 8 hours, it's just not at the same time as most of the world. Anyway I digress... I had trouble falling asleep... and then I guess my body just decided, to hell with that! We won't sleep AT ALL! So here I am, it's 6:16 AM and not a wink of sleep to be had, and I have to leave soon to go to my doctor at 8 AM and then the eye doctor at 10 AM. I don't think I can cancel the eye doctor without a cancellation fee. Can I even get my eyes tested on no sleep??? Argh. Anyway... now my schedule will really be wacky. I'll be sleeping all day. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Music? At this hour? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 1st, 2004
6:07 pm	Eek! More than two weeks between updates!!! Of course with the way my life has been lately it only seems like one week. Why you may ask?? Well, last week just practically didn't exist for me. Last Monday I got the first migraine of my entire life and it was followed by several more throughout the week, which resulted in me spending an inordinate amount of time either in bed sleeping or being awake and feeling like poop. I feel I pretty much slept through the whole week and that's not so far off since even the few days where I didn't get a migraine, I just felt like crap because I was recovering from the ravaging of the previous day. NOT so much with the fun, I have to tell you. Anyway I went to the doctor today and got some prescription meds that I can pop if I feel one is going to come on, and it should stop it from happening. I am hoping I won't have to test the meds at all! No more please!! I had a lot of fun having my parents here last weekend. We had a little family get-together which was nice because I haven't seen the family in a while even though I live so close. Yes, yes, I'm a bad niece. My parents are thinking of moving back to Seattle eventually which I support. A few years down the line I'm going to pop out some kids and I really want them to grow up with grandparents. Maybe it's weird that that's kids is the most important thing about their potential decision to me, but honestly, it is the driving reason behind me supporting their move idea. I guess in the years since they have lived so far away, I have gotten used to seeing them only occasionally and talking on the phone often. I've become accustomed to not seeing them on a regular basis, and although of course I would be grateful for opportunities to see them more, I don't NEED that. Does that make sense? I'll take what I can get, but I don't NEED more than what I have, to get along. But as soon as it comes to grandkids, that's different. My parents are going to be such wonderful grandparents, just the thought of my kids not knowing them well, that hurts. I want them to be able to see them often. I mean we all know we're not on the earth forever and I want to feel like my kids got every moment possible with their grandma and grandpa before they go to heaven. I don't think it's selfish of me to want that for them. And no, before you suggest it, we can NOT move to AZ! Dave has a job, and besides, the other grandparents are up here too!! And I want the same stuff for them, especially now that my sister-in-law is going to be too busy being famous to have kids!! Ooooh, did I tell you?? Catherine got a role on General Hospital!! Yeah, so it's a soap opera, but this is her big break! She's going to be a major character! The whole family is just so darn excited. I REALLY don't want to watch a soap opera but for her I most definitely will. Oooh, maybe in a few years she'll be really famous, and will take me to the academy awards :D Speaking of, go Lord of the Rings!! All righty... I have to go do some work. :) Current Mood: artistic Current Music: Fleetwood Mac - Landslide (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 12th, 2004
6:17 pm	Life is full of candy and flowers. I am in a most fabulous mood this week! Things are very up. My commissions are almost completely caught up, the last few I completed were some of my best work, and, well that about sums up the source of my happy :) Also my hubby is fabulous... my kitties are fuzzy... what's not to be happy about?! I even took the day off today. Dave and I were supposed to go skiing, but I have been having some problems with my foot this week, and we decided not to risk me hurting it while we're skiing and have to stop and waste all that money. So, we rescheduled for next Thursday. I hope the weather will be as nice - today there wasn't a cloud in the sky, as far as you can see. And my darn creaky fragile body had to be all broken. I am too young for this. But all in all, it was a sole cloudy spot in an otherwise sunny week :) Next Tuesday Monique finally gets to visit my house. She's really excited to come over and that makes me excited too! I can't wait to show her my work (apparently she loves dolls) and she is really excited to play Dance Dance Revolution with me (reminder: my favorite exercise). She also likes cats and I have some of the best of those. Tomorrow I have some finishing work to do on dolls that are being picked up on Saturday by a local customer. So I'll have plenty of work to keep me busy. But today... I relax! Hugs everyone! Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: System of a Down - Chop Suey (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 8th, 2004
2:57 am	My muse has returned, and what a lovely sight! My muse flew away while I was stressed out. I guess she decided to go party until I was un-stressed. Well the stress went away, and the muse returned, and today I finished the first two dolls on my overflowing list, and i must say they are quite fabulous :D I'm thrilled! Yay! The list is still full, but now, I can DO it. Thank goodness. I put a Mei Li on eBay and she got bids right away, which really boosted my confidence also :) I'm off to yet another hockey game tomorrow with Monique, my little. Maybe this time we'll score some goals and make it more worth the time! Of course hanging out with her is fun, and makes it worth it. I'm excited because our 1 month anniversary is this week and that means I can finally bring her to my house. This is mostly cool because it means things will get cheaper. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find things to do outside of a house that are free?? Because people, it is not summer here. Outdoorsy just doesn't work, and you can only go to the mall so many times. I look forward to spending a few days a month at home so we have more money to spend out and about and don't blow it all in the first week and a half. I think Dave and I are going to go skiing on Thursday!! I'm so excited!! :D Well off to bed. Tis late, and I am sleepy :O Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Balligomingo - Beyond (Comment on this)
Friday, January 30th, 2004
1:59 am	I have way too much to do. And there are just not enough hours in the day. Sound familiar??? OK stress is high in the household. I have soooo much to do and even while I was all behind (and am still) on my regular commissions, I now have even more. A box arrived Wednesday with three dolls for full repaints and they (understandably, I can't tell why) all need to be 100% done and sent back Monday. By then it will be February and I still have several commissions from January that I have barely or not gotten started. I just get more and more behind. I don't do well under stress - I retreat and then things just get worse. Pressure is not for me. Maybe that's why I never would have done that well in an office job. But I swear everyone, I am working on things the best I can. I guess I need to announce a longer turnaround for commissions so I don't get so freaked out when I am late. I wish I could say I've done anything at all interesting from the last time I had a moment to write in the journal, but I just don't. All I've been doing since Monday is working on getting everything finished. It hasn't helped :( Actually today I did have time off. We had some friends over in the afternoon for game playing. When they were here it was great because I forgot about work, but then they went home and I remembered again. By the way I love all of my customers!! I just get stressed like anyone does :D And this journal is just a place to share my feelings. I know it's a public forum but I see no reason why y'all can't know what I'm thinking :D I am really looking forward to the closing of my commission book so I can get caught up and de-stress a little. And anyone who is reading, I REALLY appreciate your business and interest, and thank you, I am NOT saying I do not want your business, because I do!! I just need a little cool-down period. And a vacation. I think I might go somewhere in March. Not sure where yet. I had a really great month in January, sales wise, thanks to all of my lovely wonderful customers :) Big hugs everyone! Too bad all of my excess income will go towards paying our taxes! Thank you government for the "self employment tax"! You suck! I had something else to say but I went and forgot. Darn. Oh! My in-laws have decided to come on Monday and Tuesday to visit. I am always happy to see them (they're GOOD in-laws :) ) but I am worried I'll have to entertain them even though I said I need to work :/ I really have too much to do, to take time off right now. I hope they meant it, when they said that's ok. Hmm... 2 AM, my usual bedtime, so I suppose I'll go sleep. I have a lot of trouble sleeping so sometimes I think I should just stay up even later, but it is too late for me to work because my eyes are tired, and that means I'll get up even later tomorrow and waste valuable working time. Ugh, and I am SO behind on the Prego convention, with signing people up for goody bags and thanking people who have made donations and acknowledging all my emails. AAAH! Catch up with me in a few weeks and you'll find me a happier gal :) Hugs everyone, good night!! Current Mood: stressed Current Music: Train - Drops of Jupiter (Comment on this)
Monday, January 26th, 2004
3:15 am	Two days of fun! Hooray! Well the last few days have been pretty nice. I spent lots of time with friends, and they are so busy I don't see them often. So, that's always nice. Last night Molly, one of my bridesmaids (she is the blonde one in my wedding pic, in the "about me" section of my repaint site), and her "husband" Erik came over for game night. That's always fun except the game we chose was drug out for hoooouuuurs. Still, always nice to have them over. Today was my hockey game with Monique and it was surprisingly fun. Unfortunately our team lost (a complete shut-out, I might add) so I didn't even get to experience the crowd excitement when we get a goal. Monique assures me that next time it will be more fun and I'll definitely go again. I really enjoy spending time with her and I'm certain she wants to spend time with me - she was asking if we can go out during the week, AND go to a hockey game on the weekend. The only problem I see is I keep buying her food because I can never think of other things to do, and it really exceeds our monthly budget, but now I messed up and have created that situation where she expects to be fed. :O Guess I'd better "give myself a raise" to cover in the budget!! All right, this was short, but I've gotta go to bed. I'll try and journal again tomorrow. :) Current Mood: refreshed Current Music: Mercy Me - I Can Only Imagine (Acoustic Version) (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 24th, 2004
12:49 am	A day of unproductivness... at least of the work variety. When I woke up today I was again obsessed with my room box, so off I went to Michaels to buy more stuff. And spend lots more money, to Dave's annoyance. Hey, I can't help it when I get obsessed!!! My box is really coming along. I built some stuff for it today - two end tables, which I think look really good, a set of wall shelves, and some picture frames. I also made lamps and lampshades. Anyway the room is starting to look really nice so maybe NEXt month when I have a budget again, I can afford to buy a sofa. Hey it's not a total loss of productivity. I'm almost done with five enhancements. Well, about half done with each, so I'm done with 2.5 total, LOL. I thought maybe if I finished those up my calendar wouldn't look so full and I'd stop stressing out. The problem is the more behind I get, well, the less I want to work, because when I do, I just start freaking out about how much I'm supposed to get done. So then I work less. It is a terible circle of complete non-productivity. Well I'm not sure how to post links in this thing but here's my current room box: Well I'm off to bed! Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Gary Jules - Mad World (Donnie Darko Soundtrack) (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 22nd, 2004
5:40 pm	Something down... more to go. I have been moderately productive today. I set dolls out in a little line with color reference pictures. They are quite lovely, sitting there waiting to be painted. OK, really, that's not all I did :P Today has been "enhancement day" and I'm trying to get as many done as possible (but I DON'T mean I'm rushing them, just working on them exclusively). I got a little tired when I was working and when that happens it usually means I need food. I have a little problem where I can never seem to be bothered to eat and then I feel crappy. How odd that those are related huh?? So here it's 4:00 and all I've eaten all day is a big spoonful of peanut butter ("breakfast"). But do you have any idea how lazy I am when it comes to food?? Extremely. So instead of tromping down to the kitchen, sucking it up, and pulling some sort of meat out of the freezer to thaw, I decide to sleep until it "goes away". This works neither in theory nor practice but that never stops me. Dave ruined my visions of sleepy goodness by calling and needing something on his computer, so I finally succumbed to hunger pangs and made food. And hey, I tried something new! The making of it, that is. I had some peeled shrimp so I marinated it in soy sauce and rice vinegar, and then stir fried it in peanut oil with minced garlic and ground ginger. It was really quite tasty, except I overcooked the shrimp. I've never made shrimp in my life so I had no idea that it cooks in like, a minute. And you know what else I discovered? Food. Is good. The subsistence-level consumption of food seems to be somehow directly related to how good I'm feeling. Imagine that. So now I'm full and happy and almost raring to go again. I might even work out later. Oh, on the working out topic, I must recommend my workout. Those of you who think an Xbox is only for little kids and bachelors? Are so wrong! I have this fabulous program called "Dance Dance Revolution", which has a dance pad, and boy is it an AWESOME low-impact aerobic workout, and really fun. Seriously. I KNOW you don't believe me. I know you don't believe that anything video-game-related can be good for you. So I'll just sit here smug in the knowledge that my gym is extremely fun, and I don't have to watch Billy Banks telling me to smile. I play and burn many calories at the same time! :D I finally got all caught up on convention emails, and then lo and behold, a whole new batch came in :D So once again I am totally behind!! Go figure!! OK enough procrastinating... off to work! Current Mood: full Current Music: Fuel - Hemorrhage (In My Hands) (Comment on this)
12:40 am	Who knew this was so hard? So, I was very naughty today. I had another one of those "I just woke up and thought of a huge project that I MUST do". Today's huge project, which I certainly didn't complete, is a doll room. Not a dollhouse mind you - for 16" dolls that would be, like, 6 feet tall. Just one room. I was going for a living room since that's such a nice generic stuff. But it meant I totally didn't work. Bad me!!! But arrghh, where does one get all the stuff for this?? I checked the sites I know and they have cool stuff but just not EVERYTHING. Am I going to have to make it all?? If I do I'll be able to live with that, but then it's MUCH less likely to get done, because I KNOW me. And I am not a finisher of projects. If I can't get it done within a few days, it's not gonna get done at all. So I DID start. I bought foam board to make the room and am using a whole piece for the base, which is 20 x 30. For the floor I bought some texturey interesting paint that I'm hoping will look somewhat carpet-like. For the walls, I used scrapbooking paper to wallpaper. Now that I'm done with the wallpaper I'm worrying it won't work out because I can't seem to find any furniture that will coordinate with the olivey-celadon green and cream theme that I have going. I am going to be REALLY annoyed if I have to redo it. Not that the paper was expensive, but it took me a long time to cut and fit and line it all up. I think I might put off gluing the room together until I've ordered furniture pieces, in case I need to change the color scheme. Or maybe, since I don't want to, I'll have two rooms. One will be really empty, I guess. I did manage to come up with a coffee table and some stuff to put on it - a glass bowl of candy, and a little pot with flowers. And two tiny picture frames. It doesn't seem like much in light of all the time I spent at Michaels (a complete and unexaggerated two hours). I stained the coffee table with a maple finish and now all the furniture I can find is in cherry. Go figure. Can you restain wood or does it make the color funny? I am sooooo behind on my email. I need to focus. I have a lot of trouble with that focusing stuff. I need to finish my email and my commissions. They aren't going to paint themselves. Tomorrow - workapalooza! All right... off to shop online more. In search of wonderful miniature things for my room. So much for the idea that I might work tonight. Of course it's already 12:40 AM so that was unlikely anyway. Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: Billie Meyers - Tell Me (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 21st, 2004
2:35 am	Hello. It's 2:20 AM and I suppose I should be going to bed, but instead I decided to start a LiveJournal. I do random things like this quite often. In fact I am the queen of beginning projects and never following through. In the closet? At least $150 of scrapbooking equipment that only ever saw maybe an hour's worth of attention. Typical me. So how will this new plan of journaling work? It's hard to say... At least my husband Dave can never say that I didn't follow through with my grand idea to "repaint dolls". Ha! I showed him!! :D So anyway I joined Big Brothers/Big Sisters and last week I was finally matched up with a "Little". It's about time since I joined something like four months ago. Anyway her name is Monique and she's thirteen years old and so far, I really like her. We've only spent a few days hanging out but I'm pretty sure she likes me. Today I cajoled her into trying Indian food which is my favorite and she completely hated it, so that venture ended in a drive through McDonalds. Guess my attempt to broaden her horizons failed. On Sunday she's making me (I use that a little strongly) go to a hockey game. She assures me it's really cool because the players fight a lot. I'm not so sure - I'm not a big fan of violence. Guess we'll see how that works out. I worked today on commissions which is what I will be doing for the rest of my life, I fear. I am soooo far behind. I was actually motivated to paint even more but my eyes were tired and I was no longer able to focus on what I was doing. So I finished a sewing project instead. Yesterday morning I woke up and decided to make a shirt so, well, I did. Again, typical me. It's a pretty sad excuse for a shirt but I'm pretty sure that if it's properly obscured by hair in my auction pictures, it will look ok. Oh yeah, it's a doll shirt. And hey, I made it myself! With almost zero sewing experience and ability! From scratch! I'm proud. Don't laugh. I'm in the middle of two reroots right now. I have a real attention span problem and I cannot focus on only one project at a time. Like repaints, for example - I HAVE to work on at least two at a time, and three if I can. So reroots unfortunately get the same treatment. Or maybe it's annoyance with my Roxie reroot - I was going for a light ash brown but right now it's looking too blonde, and since she's blonde to begin with, it's not much of a change. So I forgot about her for a while and started on a Syd who is going to have light to medium brown hair with blonde highlights. I'm having to get more creative now that there will be a platinum Syd in the line and it won't be special anymore to reroot one!! I'll be on the hunt for new color schemes! So tomorrow I have to run to the Post Office first thing. I was supposed to send stuff today but I totally forgot that Monday was a holiday and the line was out the door. I went with plenty of time to send on a normal day but I didn't have time to wait because I needed to pick Monique up. So back I go in the morning - whenever morning is, since I'm going to bed so late. Well gee, that's all for today. Let's find out if I update again tomorrow, or if nothing ever happens to this again ;) Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Train - Drops of Jupiter (2 Comments |Comment on this)